The Progression of Dementia on the Family

As my 72 year old mother was diagnosed with Dementia  in the Spring of 2016, our lives have certainly gone on a roller coaster ride. Sure life is not perfect and dealing with family members with illnesses makes those challenges only that more difficult. However, you would assume as we are family, that we would stick together through the thick and thin and be there for each other. Well you may as well take everything my parents taught us and throw it out the window. My oldest sister who is in her fifties, a university graduate, married to an intelligent man with his own business, with my sister’s own mother-in-law fighting Dementia, but she has completely blocked all the rest of us Morgan women out of her life. She will not say a word to our mother.

Even though there are days my mother does not know my name, I still love her to pieces. She gave me live, she became my mother, when my birth mother walked away. Sure I have days where she gets on my last nerve, like tonight I brought some Benadryl for my hives and came in the back door and placed it on the kitchen counter under the phone. When I turned from my room it was gone. I know the only person to move my stuff is my mom, but with her memory gone in some aspects, she did not remember where she had them, At least my father was able to find them.

I have a tear down my face because one day she might have to go to a care facility and I will no longer be able to spend day in and day out with her, sit and watch Law & Order, or cuddling in bed. I might be 28 but I still like my cuddles. When I am at home, I am always around her, even if she is cooking in the kitchen or cleaning in the bathroom. I enjoy helping her to, although right now with my bad leg that makes it hard.

We all have days when we lose our temper with my mother, I am just always quick to apologize although the majority of times she does not remember us fighting, I do my best to remind myself that she is my mom first of all, she just happens to have dementia, but I love her!



My Life With a Biological Mother

At 30 weeks gestation it was announced that the fetus in my biological mother’s womb had a brain disorder known as Hydrocephalus. With my biological mother being only 26 at this point of her pregnancy, there were a couple of option left, to follow through with a late term abortion, to place the infant if she were to survive into foster care and hope they would find her a good home to be loved and cared for, or to attempt to rise this baby girl themselves. At this point  my biological parents who were 19 and 25 at the time went as far to get married before the baby was born. Now they were married with no intention of keeping the baby girl that was about to be born.

30 weeks gestation had arrived and to save my life to the best of their ability Neurosurgeons operated to placed a shunt in my brain that would help the spinal fluid keep a continuous flow through my head and body without damaging my brain any further. My biological parents still at the time were given grim news to my progress in life, that I would never walk, talk, hear or see. I know how any parent that is beyond devastating to hear, but to simply give up on your infant in the hospital, not even taking one photo of her, not even giving her a first name, to me it feel like they never gave a crap about me from the moment I was conceived. To me in my eyes it seems that to you I am just a huge fucked up mistake. That you wish you never met me, that I will never measure up to be the biological daughter that you were looking for.

I will just be that fucked up mental retarded that was spoiled beyond belief by the Morgan’s, who will never make anything in terms of being an adult. That by your standards my parents have never been You have done nothing but put my parents down, that they never met up to your standards of living when it came to rising their daughter, even though you referred to me as your daughter. You loss that right when you signed the papers 28 years ago. Sorry, I was the mistake of your life.

Chronic Urticaria… You Say What?

On a family trip in January of 2001, myself, my sister Angela, our mother and my sister’s newborn son were all headed to Alberta, Canada to visit a family remember. Now until now I had never had any allergies of any kind, nothing. So we ordered pizza one night back at the motel and as usual thought nothing of it. Then I could feel my feels starting to swell, along with with my lips. Then I went to the bathroom to find that I was covered in these strange bumps. I had no idea what they were until, but my mom and sister sure did. Course of treatment, Benadryl. My sister headed out in a snowstorm to get me some relief. The hives went away and we thought that was the end of it, WRONG!

I started having episodes of breaking out of hives at home at random times, daily. We started tracking everything I ate. drank, did, but nothing make sense to us. So my GP sent me off to an Allergy Specialist. I thought to myself, today my misery is going to end only to find out that would be, short lived however. Dr. Ross Chang did discover a slight allergy to cheese, but nothing that would see to the hives that I was having. He of course ask about family history which I did not know at the time having not met my biological parents. Once I did meet them a few years after all this my biological mother Dayna let me know she had suffered from dairy allergies in particular milk allergies.

Once all dairy was taken out of my diet the hives went away until 2003 when BANG! They came back, I had not been consuming dairy, so back to the allergy specialist for more testing, but nothing showed up in any of the testing that was done. So now it was time to see my GP to see what he thought was the next step. This time there was a chance my hives were not allergy base and more autoimmune base.

So my GP made a referral to Rolfe Luongo a Rheumatologist. My mother happened to had seen him at the same time for one of her medical condition, Rheumatoid Arthritis. Dr. Luongo started me on a medication called Plaquenil which over time took the hives away, but my hives were labeled as Autoimmune Hives, meaning my immune system turns on itself and because I have an overactive immune system.

As those medication such as the Plaquenil do not work anymore, my hives come and go into remission every 3 to 6 years lasting a year to 2 years in between, No Reactine, Benadryl, Steroid, nothing works to stop the itch, I am on my own.





My Birth “Monster”

February 6th, 1989 at approximately noon, I entered this world I whole ten weeks early. At the time my “birth monster” wanted an abortion, but it was by far too late. My “birth idiot”, my birth father in other words had no clue what to do, can you blame him, he just knocked up an older woman who no longer wanted to carry his child because she was not “perfect”. Sick right?

Yet, my birth monsters still got married at the ages of 19 and 26 because that somehow was going to make everything better, like come on, what were their brains merged into one? They were looking for the perfect family and I the innocent infant ruined that. Therefore, that signed over their  rights, they did not even give me a name, truly shows you the lack of carelessness that came from them both. When you choose to have sex and if you produce a baby you give up that right to be a teenager or young adult, you must grow up and face your actions as an adult.

I am blessed God placed me in the home in here and not with you, the McPhails. You will never be forgiven.


Up-Date On My Osteomyelitis

June 20th marked the day when each course of antibiotics were stopped, both oral and via PICC Line. It was time to see how my leg would react to being without the support of the antibiotics on board. I had my worries hearing nightmare stories, but I needed to keep positive for the sake of my leg and body in trying to get this leg to heal.

My Infectious Disease doctor did tell me that pain would go away if I elevated my leg, stopped working out, and so forth to allow the leg to heal. However the pain has been increase and I am on a lesser form of Tylenol 3 known as Tylenol 1. It helps with the pain, but even it now is having the challenge of keeping the pain under control.

As we are also dealing with a summer heat wave, that causes more swelling in my already swollen leg. Summer is just not the right reason to deal with these issues. The wound on my bad leg looks better but I still question if it is ever going to heal or if doctors are going to have to intervene.


Tearing Family to Pieces: A Special Thanks to My Oldest Sister

Due to my oldest sister, or former sister as I refer to her as, she has attempted to ruin every connection between each and every connection there is in our family. Why? I have no clue what her intentions are. Believing things based on rumors started by others, not admitting to the truth of her own words,  and attacking myself and my older middle sister to levels like no degree. Now she also refuses to talk to our mother, well technically her step-mother, but as mom battles Dementia, my oldest sister has written her off too. This drama is so fucking insane. Why my oldest sister JB has written all of us off, I cannot wrap my head around it to this day.

Happy Birthday My One & Only Sister, Angela! (June 29th)

Happy 43rd Birthday, to my bright and beautiful and full of wisdom older sister, who does her best to teach her wisdom and knowledge to me so that one day I too will be a successful 43 year old. We might be fifteen years apart in age, or so they say. However, you will always be like having a sister who is my twin.

Love you tons!