Finally, at the age of twenty-eight, a revolution has hit me, like a semi-truck. As so many relationships around me have crumbled due to boundaries being broken, not respected and pushed to the point of no return. At first it started with friends, and then I got use to friends walking away, then when my own sister Jennifer walked away there was a phase of denial to what was really going on as I refused to admit the truth behind the crumbling of our sisterhood. Yet just tonight, I was forced to face the truth head on and confess the truth to my other sister Angela.
I started e-mailing my sister Jennifer all the time and phoning her regardless of the boundaries she had put in place, yes, almost like a form of harassment you could say. Okay, not almost, it was like harassment. At the present time I did not see myself as doing anything wrong, just a sister reaching out to another sister. When I look back, I see the red flags, the numerous and piteous phone calls, the countless e-mails on one given day. Deep down it is truly not my intention to harm or harass anyone, especially my own sister, but now it is too late and she had parted ways with me and wrote me out of her life.
I understand that I have only myself to blame, but these behaviours are apart of BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. As much as I try to form healthy relationships, countless attempts become broken due to my destructive ways, linked to my illness, that is the truth.
From my biological mother and family, to my former Vice-Principal and Principal, All these individuals have walked away from my harassment and needy like behaviour and although it is apart of my illness, I have only myself to blame. Why did this hit me all of a sudden? As due to that fact that my sister Angela, I drained her out repeatedly showing no compassion for what she has done for me. The idea that my behaviours linked to this disorder could push her away, that would kill me.