Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), and behaviors that drive them to do something over and over (compulsions). Often the person carries out the behaviors to get rid of the obsessive thoughts. – Google
My parents started to re-call me suffering from OCD like behaviours from around the age of two, on wards. It started with simple compulsions of skin picking, nose picking, then I will say brace yourself, but I must be honest, but eating scabs and boogers. I know little children tend to do that, but the behaviours had carried on into adulthood sadly. They are both rather shameful behaviours, but I must admit to them, once and for all. These behaviours tended to be carried out due to anxiety as I do suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD.
At around the age of fifteen, my OCD escalated. I started suffering from obsessive thoughts of harming children from all ages from infancy to teenage years, from physical to emotional abuse. I did not know what had overcome me with these thoughts, but it scared me to my inner cord. Not that I would do anything, but as to why I perfectly good raised “Christian” older teen was suffering from such thoughts. As the thoughts worsened with time into thoughts of sexual abuse, I wanted to end it all, I could not live with myself in this head but I knew I did nothing wrong.
All professional examining my case including a wonderful psychiatrist Dr. C. Taylor at the Brief Intervention Unit at Vancouver General Hospital who understood OCD very well, took my case on each time I was admitted and saved my life after my suicide attempt which I have not been attempted since. My OCD was not medicated with a wonderful drug called Clomipramine. I have been on it since 2005 and have not been in the hospital for Depression or OCD since.
I still struggle with skin picking and so forth, but perhaps by opening up about it in my blog and sharing my story will help me and others who suffer alike.