The Progression of Dementia on the Family

As my 72 year old mother was diagnosed with Dementia  in the Spring of 2016, our lives have certainly gone on a roller coaster ride. Sure life is not perfect and dealing with family members with illnesses makes those challenges only that more difficult. However, you would assume as we are family, that we would stick together through the thick and thin and be there for each other. Well you may as well take everything my parents taught us and throw it out the window. My oldest sister who is in her fifties, a university graduate, married to an intelligent man with his own business, with my sister’s own mother-in-law fighting Dementia, but she has completely blocked all the rest of us Morgan women out of her life. She will not say a word to our mother.

Even though there are days my mother does not know my name, I still love her to pieces. She gave me live, she became my mother, when my birth mother walked away. Sure I have days where she gets on my last nerve, like tonight I brought some Benadryl for my hives and came in the back door and placed it on the kitchen counter under the phone. When I turned from my room it was gone. I know the only person to move my stuff is my mom, but with her memory gone in some aspects, she did not remember where she had them, At least my father was able to find them.

I have a tear down my face because one day she might have to go to a care facility and I will no longer be able to spend day in and day out with her, sit and watch Law & Order, or cuddling in bed. I might be 28 but I still like my cuddles. When I am at home, I am always around her, even if she is cooking in the kitchen or cleaning in the bathroom. I enjoy helping her to, although right now with my bad leg that makes it hard.

We all have days when we lose our temper with my mother, I am just always quick to apologize although the majority of times she does not remember us fighting, I do my best to remind myself that she is my mom first of all, she just happens to have dementia, but I love her!

 

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Happy Birthday My One & Only Sister, Angela! (June 29th)

Happy 43rd Birthday, to my bright and beautiful and full of wisdom older sister, who does her best to teach her wisdom and knowledge to me so that one day I too will be a successful 43 year old. We might be fifteen years apart in age, or so they say. However, you will always be like having a sister who is my twin.

Love you tons!

Sisters: Polar Opposites

When I entered this world, I came into a family with two older sister, one who was 15 at the time of my birth and one who was twenty-three. Both were the light of my world regardless of our age differences, they did everything with me and made my world go round. As I grew older, I would have sleepovers at their homes, we would stay up late and watch movies, most of the time I fell asleep early, but we still all had a blast. We were sisters.

After my oldest sister got married, for a second time and finally settled down and had her first child, she would allow me to look after her, it was the time of my life watching my toddler niece grow up. Then my oldest sister and her current husband decided to move to the opposite side of town and hire a nanny, taking me out of the job as their babysitter. Although, I am close, well was with my niece, my nephew and I never bonded.

However, when I look at things, it was almost as if there were other reasons my sister did not want me watching her kids, perhaps related to my mental illnesses and so forth. After my sister sent me that e-mail bashing me in regards to my mental health and physical, forever our relationship would change and never be the same.

Then I have my middle sister, who too when through a bashing by our oldest sister, details I will keep private as they are not my details to share. Yet, for our oldest sister to go on a rampage out of the blue and attack both her younger sisters  and so far any attempt on our behalf to improve things has lead nowhere. So it is sad to know that one day when my parents are not here, my family will be going its’ own way all because of one person’s actions.

I refuse to be bitter or naive over a situation I did not create, my oldest sister has only herself to blame.  Then I have my middle older sister, who has always been there for me, we can fighting and make-up in a moment’s notice.

She has always been there for me regardless how busy or stressed she might be.

 

Mother & Daughter Times

Lately, as I have been spending more time outside of my bedroom, enjoying life with my family and friends, the one person I am enjoying the most time with is my mother. You might call from previous posts that my 72 year-old mother was diagnosed with Dementia in 2016, That is has been an uphill battle is coping with her mood swings and lack of memory, and her confusion from time to time, but that does not change my love for her in anyway as when I was an ill infant in her care, she cared for me 24/7 and was alIt ways by my side, no questions asked, so it is time for me to do the same in return.

Dementia can be challenging, from delusional thoughts to just a forgetful memory, you never know what is going to come your way. Then the mood swings, as they cannot be treated, unlike my mood swings from Bipolar Disorder which are treated with mood stabilizers, my mother’s mood swings cannot be treated. That is the reality of the disorder. However, that is not going to keep me from my mother and I will always love her to matter even if it gets to the day where she no longer remembers me.

It is hard going through something like this when all my friends’ parents are in their late 50’s while my parents’ are in their mid-70’s. So one day they might have to experience the journey of Dementia, but by then, my parents will be long gone to Heaven aka Home.

My mother and I love watching Law & Order together, the morning news on Global, cooking shows, which my older sister Angela got us addicted to. Or we just like to sit on the porch on a sunny day even if it is chilly, we wrap ourselves in blankets and sit and drink coffee and relax, I just recently started drinking black coffee with almond milk.

So although, I cannot drive due to my seizures and my mother cannot drive due to her Dementia, we find ways to have fun around the house.

I love you mom!

My Oldest Sister, Our Distant Relationship

The bond I once had with my oldest sister, seemed inseparable. Yes, there was a grand age difference between us, when I entered the Morgan Family I was an infant and my sister was 23 years old, but it did not stop me from stealing her bowls of cesar salads. She would take me out to Riverview where she worked as a dentist in earlier practicing years, just to hang out if she was not busy. Then as I grew older, if her boyfriend had children my age, she would make me with her  to have have fun, see a movie, while she was having dinner. it seems that everything changed.

My sister still in the end got married and had two children. her first child was a sweet baby girl who my mother and I spent the summer she was born looking after her. Even one year, my sister asked me to go to Maui with her family to aid as a nanny. Now, who couldn’t say no to that?

One day out of no where it seems my diagnosis with mental illness, regardless of the fact that I have been psychiatric ward free for seven years now and on the same medications and stable except for one episode two months ago in which I recovered from, from home. My sister just cannot move past that yes, I have been diagnosed with various mental illnesses, but I am still capable. So if she refuses to have me out of her live, that in the end is her loss, not mine.

Roots to A Name

Of course there is always an importance to one’s name such as, who named you, how you got your name, why that name and so forth. When you are adopted, so many more factors come into the picture as sometimes adoptive parents will change your name, or add on a new first name and make your first name your middle name.

Here is my name story.

Born on February 6th, 1989, my birthparents abandoned me in the hospital due to my poor health and made the decision to place me for adoption. Until recently, I had always been told that my biological parents had named me, however, that was far from the truth, In fact, it was the nurses on the ward that named me at the time “Katie Jane”.

When my adoptive parents met me, they decided to combined the names Katie and Jane making my first name “Katiejane”, adding in my adoptive mother’s mother middle name and my mother’s sister’s name Elizabeth as my middle name, an honour and then my last name Morgan.

So for the longest time the people who brought me into this world, I thought were the people who named me, but finally at the age of 28 years old, I learn the truth. Better late than never.

 

Borderline Personality Disorder & Relationships

Finally, at the age of twenty-eight, a revolution has hit me, like a semi-truck. As so many relationships around me have crumbled due to boundaries being broken, not respected and pushed to the point of no return. At first it started with friends, and then I got use to friends walking away, then when my own sister Jennifer walked away there was a phase of denial to what was really going on as I refused to admit the truth behind the crumbling of our sisterhood. Yet just tonight, I was forced to face the truth head on and confess the truth to my other sister Angela.

I started e-mailing my sister Jennifer all the time and phoning her regardless of the boundaries she had put in place, yes, almost like a form of harassment you could say. Okay, not almost, it was like harassment. At the present time I did not see myself as doing anything wrong, just a sister reaching out to another sister. When I look back, I see the red flags, the numerous and piteous phone calls, the countless e-mails on one given day. Deep down it is truly not my intention to harm or harass anyone, especially my own sister, but now it is too late and she had parted ways with me and wrote me out of her life.

I understand that I have only myself to blame, but these behaviours are apart of BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. As much as I try to form healthy relationships, countless attempts become broken due to my destructive ways, linked to my illness, that is the truth.

From my biological mother and family, to my former Vice-Principal and Principal, All these individuals have walked away from my harassment and needy like behaviour and although it is apart of my illness, I have only myself to blame. Why did this hit me all of a sudden? As due to that fact that my sister Angela, I drained her out repeatedly showing no compassion for what she has done for me. The idea that my behaviours linked to this disorder could push her away, that would kill me.

Peace out.